being true to you..

Finding yourself is a process that I find many people await. It's not as easy as looking it up in the dictionary who you are supposed to be. I find that its about going through things to get to the deeper meaning of who you truly are. Digging in ways that at times can be the most difficult,but at others the most amazing. We put ourselves through tough times to see how strong we are, we put ourselves out there to see how emotional we are, and sometimes we pass, but others we fail. We change our look hoping that it will bring us some insight to who we are, but we get lost in another translation of trying to be something we are not. We try many new things as well, new tv, new music, new friends, new places to hang. Go on road trips and visit old friends, dying and trying to figure out who we are. We go to college, move away from home and develop relationships that can cause us pain or complete happiness. What is the purpose of doing this to ourselves??? To find out who we really are? Maybe in reality we already know who we are but we dont trust ourselves to be that person that is digging down deep inside. we have pushed them down that far and dont want them to surface. maybe its time we let our guard down and just be who we are meant to be. no masks, no shame. just you.

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer." ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

life lessons..

Over my lifetime I have learned many life lessons that I will forever keep in my heart. Guard your heart, honor your parents, love one another, put others before yourself, pay your bills on time, the greatest truths in life are uncovered with simple, steady awareness, time will heal all wounds, regardless of how you feel at that moment, take lots of picture, bad things happen to good people, and the list goes on and on. Life's little lessons are a gift from God. I believe everything we do in our lives defines us and makes us who we are. We are allowed to learn from our mistakes and make choices that will forever guide our paths. Im just thankful for all of this. My life is not perfect, nor will it ever be. Ive made lots of mistakes and I will continue to make them. The best thing is to be happy with your life and live it to the fullest. You have one life, and one life only. Use it well, make memories, take time to just sit back and watch the sunset.. all of this stuff we take for granted. We are not guaranteed tomorrow.. live today as if it is your last. Love, Joy, Hope... Faith!!!


Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a futre.

What I want

I've got nothing left
I've given my best
And I know I can't do this
On my own
I'm torn between
Going after dreams
Or living with regret
Of letting go
I'm done with banging my head against the door
But can you peel me off this floor
Cuz I don't know if I can get up again
What I want may not be what I need
Have I been let down?
Or am I learning now?
To trust in what I cannot see
But I'm tired of trying to figure out what you want
And tired of always screwing up
But this is all of me
What I want may not be what I need
Just let it go…
What I want may not be what I need

Proverbs 4:23

"When I find myself frustrated, angry, annoyed, or having a stinky attitude, it's because of an unfulfilled expectation. This nips at me all the time. Learning to set aside unmet expectations unselfishly can be difficult."

-"We must renew our minds daily if we are going to have a renewing of our reactions to unmet expectations." "If then you have been raised with Christ, see the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth."

-taken from Emotional Purity, by Heather Arnel Paulsen

whoa.. I never knew how much the power of Satan had on a person who is doing the will of God. He was so much a part of my week that I just broke down and wanted to come home. I know I am at Pine Cove for a purpose and this past week was just sooo hard. Its because I let Satan in my life and to eat at my thoughts and actions. oh deeeear get away from me!! My God is AWESOME and loves me sooo much and has so much better plans for me. His strength raises me up when i am down and encourages me when i need help. When I finally realize I dont need anything or anyone but Him its instantly all better. WHOA MY GOD IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so blessed beyond measure.. wow... cant wait. this week I have Castle Rock which is the day camp and I have the 5th and 6th graders. I am sooo happy. Last week I had the 3rd graders, which they are precious, but I soo need a break from the poking and crying and homesickness.. ahh it was rough, but such a blessing at the same time. I love pc towers :)

ooooh here it comes!!

Texas is awesome and im soooo loving being here. at first it was a little awkward and at times i thought why am i even here.. what does God have planned for me.. and then i read our main verse, Ephesians 2:10." For we are God's masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared for us in advance to do." This really made me realize that i am here for a reason and He as a perfect plan for my like and a reason i am supposed to be back at the Towers this summer.. although this is my last, im super glad im back. He is alredy stretching me over bounds and leaps and the kids havent even gotten here. This week i have 3rd graders. I am soooo pumpped about it and cannot wait!!! so i guess i must go and sleep.. i have the pc crud ahhh and medicine is wearing me out.

:))
Caadie

PINE COOOVE

Tomorrow is the daaay!! I cannot wait. Im ready to get away and clear my mind. I know this is perfect for me to better myself and be able to listen to what God has to say to me. Pine Cove is my absolute love. I cannot wait to see those little girls faces and see the Lord work through them.. ahh im going to cry im so excited. well I cant say that im going to miss anyone.. ha, i mean i love my fam and all, but i just need to get away from my element to grow and work on some things. Which is exactly why I am sooo excited to move to Texas for almost 2 months. oh gee im soo ready to be back and hopefully God will do some well needed work in my life and Im just suuuuper pumped and glad to have this wonderful opportunity once again.

Caaadie :)

one class... five days...8 hrs a day.. = yiiiikes..


i guess its a good thing this class is interresting and i loooove the teacher! he makes it fun and interresting.

on another note, 10 days til pine cooove.. the love of my life!!!! :))))

whoa..

this past week amazing things happened. things i never thought possible, but so glad they did. God is still doing great things in my life and I am even more excited about leaving for Pine Cove in 15 days!!! not to thrilled about the 9hr drive alone, but the experince will be so worth it!!!! I cannot wait to be back in Texas, its the best!! Parents bought a new house so were going to be moving in the next week which is bittersweet.. and i have summer class next week m-f and 8-4 yikes.. i may die.. but other than that done with school.. 4.0 :) yay

In spite of it all..

Still God Loved Me in Spite

There was a time when I did what ever I wanted to do.
Still God loved me in spite.
The world and its ways was what I wanted and needed.
Still God loved me in spite.

I only prayed when I wanted something from Him.
Still God loved me in spite.
I stop going to church; didn’t have time for it.
Still God loved me in spite.

I was in the world and enjoying myself.
Still God loved me in spite.
When living the world way was more important then His way.
Still God loved me in spite.

When I did not have time for Him; He had time me.
Yes He still loved me in spite.
He walked the journey with me; because He still loved me in spite.

Even thou I was out in the world doing as the world, I felt Him oh so softly speaking to my heart.
Saying come to me my child, I am all you need.
Cause God loved me in spite.

He never gave up on me because He loved me in spite.
He began to speak to me louder and stronger.
Surrender and trust me my child, I am all you need.
Yes God loved me in spite.

Child you belong to me; let go and come.
This is a fight you can not win because you are mines.
I made you for me. Come to me I am waiting.
Still God loved me in spite.

So I did what He asked, I surrendered and begin to trust Him.
He open my eyes so I could see, He cleared my mind so I could received,
He cleansed my heart so I could feel; He renewed my soul and spirit so I could live.

Because He still loved me in spite;
It was that love that set me free.
Now I live for Him because He loved me in spite of it all.

dave was AWESOME last night.. 11th row, you sooo could see the sweat on his face and the vein in his neck.. aaaaaaamazing!!!!!

giving up...




letting go...




and letting God...



i mean daaaaaaaaang.. im so over it

oh my God is aWeSoMe!!!

I just absolutely loooooooove the fact that my God is AMAZING!!! He just is, no particular reason other than He just is. When you put your whooooooole and complete trust in Him, you get results. I cant stop smiling. He just amazes me that much!!! Romans 8:26-28 from the Message says, " Meanwhile the moment we get tired in waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we dont know how to what to pray, it doesnt matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, and keeps us present before God. Thats why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." I was so tired of waiting for something to happen wondering when things were going to change and everything else. This verse just gets me fired up!!!! i mean daaaang!!! James 1: 2-8 from the Message says, " Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is foreved into the open and shows its true colors. So dont get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you may become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way. If you dont know what youre doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his helpi, and wont be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like the wind-whipped waves. Dont think yo uare going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open." I just love those 2 passages and they have given me a new hope and just a new spirit about things. I wake up happy and ready to start the day. I am sooo blessed and cant thank him enough. He is pretty ballin if you ask me.. haha :) Things are looking up, things are great!! Cant wait to live the rest of my life for Him :)!!!!!!!!!

God is a funny man..

This past months has had alot of downs with very few ups. So I am sitting in church Sunday and it was one of those days where I didnt want to get up or do anything. God was like nope, youre getting up and going to church. So while I was late, I was still there ha. And the message was about the purpose of God's plan for your life. Now if im not mistaken, thats what im going through right now. Not exactly sure where God has me going or what in the world my life is going to be like. Well sure enough He is laughing at me right at that moment. The choir begins to sing a song, and its nice and catches my attention. The chorus says "When you dont understand the purpose of His plan, bow your knee." Now I have been in much prayer over the month but I dont necessarily think that I have completely 100% given it all to Him and trush that when I do, things will get better. So thats one hit, then last night at chapter Lacey normally gives us a devo, but had completely forgot. So she decided to recite a verse off the top of her head randomly. It just so happend to be the one that I have been living by the past few weeks. Jeremiah 29:11. " For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I mean come on!!! He is practically screaming at me now. So yesterday I had my share of tears as I have frequently have had, but these wernt necessarily sad tears. They were more of realization tears. He is always there for me and will always be. He isnt going to leave me when things get rough, he is going to throw me over his shoulder and carry me to safety. Thats why I love him so much. And the fact that when we dont listen and are stubborn out the wazzzou like I am, he kinda puts you in positions where you have to listen to him. He is pretty amazing :)

breaking up is hard to do..

it really does suck breaking up. its been almost 3 weeks and while I wish I could say I was over it, I would be lying. but with anything it takes time. I can say that I am better than I was a week ago. I am finally realizing that whatever happens in life happens for a reason. God has such an amazing plan for me and my life ahead of me that I shouldnt worry about the small things in life that wont seem to matter in a few years. It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.
I love music, it can cure anything. The beats of the music match the words and heal the soul. without it i really dont think i could get through anything. it makes me happy and it makes me sad. but with it, it gives me a feeling of relief at times idk why it just does. this song, for some reason i really like, its called the brilliant dance by dashboard confessional :)

So this is odd,
the painful realization that all has gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
and nobody cares at all.
So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.
So this is strange,
our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all,
where nobody leads at all.
And the picture frames are facing down
and the ringing from this empty sound
is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.
This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.
This is the last time.
This is the last time.

anyways.. i know sometimes it feels as if the world is going to end with the littlest things, but knowing that God has something so much more incredible planned out for my life and that it is 100000000 times more incredible than i could ever imagine gives me hope. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord." Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." That right there alows me to know that He is amazing and loves me so much. I dont have to worry anymore :) Letting go and letting GOD!!!!

sigh....

"I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

suuuuuuper rough week... need prayer... thanks..

-cadie

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking in anything." James 1:2-4


You say: "It's impossible." God says: All things are possible. (Luke 18:27)





You say: "I'm too tired." God says: I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28-30)





You say: "Nobody really loves me." God says: I love you. (John 3:16 & John 13:34)



You say: "I can't go on." God says: My grace is sufficient. (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm91:15)





You say: "I can't figure things out." God says: I will direct your steps. (Proverbs 3:5-6)





You say: "I can't do it." God says: You can do all things. (Philippians 4:13)





You say: "I'm not able." God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)





You say: "It's not worth it." God says: It will be worth it. (Romans 8:28)




You say: "I can't forgive myself." God says: I FORGIVE YOU (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)





You say: "I can't manage." God says: I will supply all your needs. (Philippians 4:19)



You say: "I'm afraid." God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear. (II Timothy 1:7)




You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated." God says: Cast all your cares on ME. (I Peter 5:7)




You say: "I don't have enough faith." God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith. (Romans 12:3)





You say: "I'm not smart enough." God says: I give you wisdom. (I Corinthians 1:30)






You say: "I feel all alone." God says: I will never leave you nor forsake you. (Hebrews13:5)

gO sHaWtY.. iTS yo' BiRfDaaaY

sooo I felt like i was 4 years old again, too excited to sleep and waking up every 30minuets simply because TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!


YAY iT's MY BiRTHDAY!!!!!


- I love birthdays.. not the getting older part, but just simply the fact that its your day and you can do whatever you please.. and I, am going to do whatever I please.. why you ask?? Because its my birthday and I can!!!!!

sitting, waiting, wishing..

As I sit here before class, I have already accomplished a number of tasks. Got up, worked out, showered, ate breakfast, did my homework, and had my quiet time. Now I have about 10 min to reflect and do nothing. ...



...


....


.

Ok well that was fun. So I have 7 days til my birthday. Another year older,, gah, I remember when it was so exciting to have a birthday, now I just dread gettin older..haha but im still not as old as some people!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

peace holla :)

Only a fairy tale can awaken something set deep in the heart of every little girl...

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23


-Every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty.

(Taken from, Your Captivating Heart by Stasi Eldredge)

Peace, Love, and Jesus..

Nuff said. :)

oh snap

Yay! Steelers WON!!! Not gonna lie, I thought the Cardinals had it in the end, but of course the best team won!!! Well first off I want to appoligize to Jamie, I havent been on in a while and im sure im off her top lol. Things have been soo crazy, I sprained my ankle and i've been trying to get better, took a week off of running, gave up on the crutches, hobbled around for a while, and its getting tons better. Right now, our basketball team is number 1 in the all sports category, which is good, aaand they let me play!!! ha. I cant wait til softball season starts.. anyways. I have 30 days til my birthday. No big plans, birthdays arent my thing anymore. after turning 20 im depressed on bdays.. i dont like getting older. ahhh im halfway to 40 which is almost half my life GOd willing.. aahh. well snap. im out for class!!!

ughh.. this Alabama weather is no good for me. One day its beautiful and the next it is freezing cold and raining. My body has noticed this and once again im in bed, sick. I hate that I couldnt make myself get up. I need more motivation. Im a bum lol. Well I leave tonight to go back to school. I have mixed feelings. On one hand im ready to leave my parents bc as much as i loooove them they drive me craaazy, and on the other im really gonna miss steevo, and everyone else. :) aaand Im sad i missed Mary Kiiiim!!! she is my fave. well off to pack. What a great start to a new yyyear!!! 2009 here I come!!