Back on track..

Being in my early twenties I have found out that it is hard to figure out who you are. Alot of your fears and insecurities come into play and sometimes they just get the best of you. I have had more doubt in the past 4 years about my life than any other time. I think it's a trying part of life to be in your twenties. I know many people go through this and as bad as that seems, there is comfort knowing that other people struggled and have come through this part of their life successfully. I know who I am supposed to be because God has told me. Things havent been working out and I am so impatient. I tried to take my life into my own hands to see if I could make it better. WHAT A MISTAKE!! I know I shouldn't have even tried but I am human and want instant gratification. Proverbs 16:9 says "a man's heart plans his ways but the Lord determins his steps." I know this verse like the back of my hand and what it means. Yet I still ignored God and took to my own ways. I got tired of living the "good girl" life and tried to live of the world hoping to find some clarity as to what my identity should be. Romans 12:12 " do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Again, I know all this but tried I run the other way. I would t be surprised is God was yelling at me to come back because he knows I know better. But then again he is a gracious God and will never disown me. I have been pushing him away and I've gone further and further from Him. All it takes is one step back and I'm rigt back in his arms. That is he beauty of my forgiving and loving God. He will always take me back no matter what. My happiness is through Him and oh Him. He world cannot make me happy nor can any other person. My hope comes from the Lord and He is all I need!! I choose to be happy and full of Him. I choose to not worry or be bitter and unhappy about my life. I choose to live for Him and get back to what I know is right for me. I choose to be his daughter and love and seek to know him more. I choose to be me!

When it hits.

Do you ever feel like God just sometimes smacks you in the face with emotion, feeling,thought, or curiosity? I was doing grad school work and all of a sudden it just hit me. It is so strange when this stuff happens, comical even. I know i haven't been in the word lately and because of that I feel like I have taken some steps back. I think everyone goes through these stages of life and I know i have been here before. The GREATEST thing about our God is that he never ceases to give up on us. As much as I have pushed him away lately and have slipped and put distance between us, He never once left my side. I felt like I have put miles and miles between us, but the first step I take back to Him, I am pushed into His arms. And THAT makes me smile. :) As a flood of emotion comes over me i cannot grasp my mind around the idea that He will always love a sinner and confused person like me. I am so unworthy of his unfailing love and do not deserve any of it. He amazes me daily with his forgiveness and I cannot thank HIm enough for simply loving me. A pathetic, sinner, shameful, girl like me. I am so blessed to have a God who not only doesnt give up on me when i stray away from him, but welcomes me with open arms and an unfailing love. He is my Savior. He is MY God. He is my Father.